You slept for so long. The wedding was … should have been yesterday. He called it off. They never got married. He called it off because of you.
Because it’s a hard question.It’s a yes or no, actually. You have a fifty-fifty chance of getting it right.
If only it were that simple. Did I love him at this point? I loved him from the first point…the point where our two lives crossed the first time. I couldn’t tell him that though, I didn’t know how and every time I tried, the words would get stuck in my throat.You’re pressuring me. I pushed him away and sat up dusting my hands on my sweats.Caleb sprang to his feet, paced, and then turned around to face me. He was seething.
I’ve never pressured you to do anything.I felt my face turn white. It was true. It was a lousy thing to say to a twenty-three year old man who never complained when his girlfriend always stopped short of second base.
You’re trying to make me say something that I’m not ready to say, I choked looking away.
I’m trying to find out where we are going. Olivia. I already know you love me.I fell in love hard and swift like Tyson’s uppercut. One day I just enjoyed his company and the next I couldn’t live without it. We saw each other every spare minute—even if it was just for a quick, hungry kiss before class. When our grades made the shitty plummet, we set boundaries; no talking on the phone after dark and no seeing each other during the week except at mealtimes. Most of the time, we broke our rules minutes after making them. It was nugatory trying to stay away from him. He was my crack. I could never get enough and when I had him I was already thinking about when I could have him next.
We seemed happier than other couples, permanently stuck in a state of bliss so intense our mouths were curved into smiles even in our sleep. Caleb taught me how to play—something I had never known in my youth or as an adult. He brought me cupcakes and then smashed them in my face. He took me kayaking and flipped us into the water. Once when his fraternity hosted a jello wrestling night, he convinced me to attend and then challenged me to a wrestling duel. Knee deep in jello the color of Windex, I charged him aiming for his knees. I got lucky and threw him off balance. We both landed up on our backs with Caleb laughing so hard, it sounded like he was sobbing. I loved him with everything in me. He taught me who I was, something I never would have known, without his deft handling of my personality.That summer, I picked up a part time job at a small bookstore. I was the only employee, other than the owner, and I worked nights which required me to lock up the store around midnight. The bookstore shared a parking lot with a bar called Gunshots and most nights I had to endure catcalls and whistling from the intoxicated bikers who were lingering outside. I hated it and kept my fists balled all the way to the car, in case I had to hit someone.
I had been working there for three weeks when Caleb dropped by to see me. His face was red and tense when he walked through the doors.What’s wrong? I said coming around the counter to hug him. I peered over his shoulder, wondering if one of the bar rats had said something to make him angry. Often they made rude comments to the customers as they were coming or going.