We know you are, my mom says. She’s not answering for herself. She’s answering for all of us. She’s answering for Jonathan.
But don’t you think that it’s something to strive for? To try to be happy the whole time? To try to not just grin and bear your marriage but to thrive in it?Is that what you think you’re doing?
I believe this to be the best way to learn how to love my husband the way I want to. Yes.And is it working?Is it working? Is it working? I have absolutely no idea if it’s working. That’s the whole problem. Yes, I tell her. I say it with purpose and with confidence. I say it as if there is no other answer. Maybe I say yes because I want her approval, because I want her to back off, because I want to put her in her place. But I think I say yes because I believe, on some level, that thoughts become words, and words become actions. Because if I start saying it’s working, maybe in a few days or a few months, I’ll look back and think, Absolutely. This is absolutely working. Maybe that conviction has to start right here, with a little white lie. Yes, I do believe it’s working.
Now my mother and Rachel are not pretending to do anything else. They are listening intently, their ears and eyes aimed toward me.Well, I have missed him far more than I ever realized I would. When he left, I thought I wasn’t in love with him anymore, but I didn’t realize just how much I did still love him. I do still love him. The minute he left, I felt the hole in my life that he filled. I couldn’t have done that without missing him, without losing him.
One might argue that you can get that kind of perspective from a long weekend away. You got anything else?
I want to prove to her that I know what I’m doing. I mean, I don’t know if it’s anything to talk about here, I say.Reagan and Brett had a fight after you went to your tent last night. Lennon keeps his eyes glued to his task, but his body posture looks . . . uncomfortable. Long story short, he said this trip was too much drama for him. Reagan agreed. They decided to go back home.
Is this a joke? It must be. Right?Gingerly, he props up larger branches over the sticks. Reagan was going to leave last night, which was nuts. Kendrick and I had to convince her to stay until there was light to hike, and that we’d go back together. Earlier this morning, I thought I heard noise, but it wasn’t loud, so I fell back asleep. By the time I’d woken up again and gotten dressed, they were gone.
He’s serious. This isn’t a joke.I feel dizzy, so I sit on a boulder. They left us? Summer and Kendrick too?