Come on. Let’s get out of here, he says, gesturing toward our backpacks. All the emotion disappears from his voice and posture, and he’s back to being unreadable.
You were the love of my life.Maybe it’s selfish to want more, maybe it’s greedy to want another love like that.
But I can’t help it.So I said yes to a date with Sam Kemper. I like to think you would like him for me, that you’d approve. But I also want you to know, in case it doesn’t go without saying, that no one could ever replace you. It’s just that I want more love in my life, Jesse.And I’m asking for your blessing to go find it.
I know I’m adding new splotches, new tears, to the page. But I can’t seem to stop them from coming. When I finally look at Jesse, his eyes are watery. He puts his arm around me and pulls me in tight. The pain between us feels sharp enough to cut, heavy enough to sink us.What did you do on the roof? he says again, this time softer, kinder.
I catch my breath and then I tell him.
Everyone said you were dead, I start. And I was convinced they were all wrong and that you were trying to come home to me. I just knew it. So one day, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I went up to the roof and saw this small sliver of ocean and I just . . . I became convinced that you were going to swim to shore. I got your binoculars and I . . . I stood there, watching the small little piece of shoreline, waiting for you to surface.I brought Carrie with me here to Palm Springs after you spurned me. I think I was hoping we’d have a lovely time together and I’d send you a gloating postcard about how much better off I am without you. But . . . I cannot do it. Even now, when I am trying, Carrie is not half the woman you are.
Janet, you have destroyed me.I wanted you to bear my children. I saw the family we could make. I believed I could have a life with you that I cannot have with Carrie.
Look, I know that there were some things I said that were inappropriate. I was upset when you broke things off. I said things I didn’t mean. I admit that it is true that there were women before you, and if you and I truly are over, then I have no reason to become monogamous. As I’ve told you, I find it incongruous with our innate human nature. But, Janet, don’t you understand? That just speaks to how much I love you, how serious I have been about you. I was willing to give that all up for you, for you and only you.That is how much I love you, how rare of a woman I believe you to be.