Working in advertising had taught me to think on my feet, but this required more than a quick joke or a tossed-off tagline. Lukas’s expression, a slightly predatory look of anticipation, clued me in on how important my success was, and I basically had nothing. An idea had occurred to me as I rushed through the kitchen, but it was so fuzzy and unfinished I knew it would look exactly like what it was—my very last resort.
And? I probed. I had to know; even if it crushed me.And I picked up a girl, and I couldn’t even f**k her. Is that what you wanted to hear?
My breath stuttered.He pushed his hands into his hair, tangling it in disarray. Your sad blue eyes wouldn’t leave my brain. I couldn’t stop comparing your subtle feminine scent to her harsh perfume. Your touchable soft waves to her too-stiff curls. Looking up to meet my eyes, confusion and distress was written all over his features. I don’t know what you’ve done to me. You’ve gotten inside my head, f**ked with who I am. The pain and anguish in his eyes hit me straight in the chest.Part of me felt proud—I’d actually gotten through to him. But most of me felt sad. Knowing I affected him just as much as he affected me was harrowing. And I’d never seen him so devastated and needy. It tugged at something deep inside me.
The pull between us was too strong. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out. I just came to make sure you were okay, I choked out.I’m fine. Let me drive you home. He rose to his feet.
You’re in no condition to drive. And if there was one thing I couldn’t tolerate, it was drunk drivers. Not after the way I’d lost my parents.
Suit yourself. I’m going to shower then. With the water still running he began undressing, right there in front of me.You really believe that? Ethan says.
I think I have to, I tell him. Otherwise, my life is an absolute disaster.Otherwise, my baby is gone for no reason.
But yes, I say. I really do believe that. I believe I’m destined for something. We are all destined for something. And I believe that the universe, or God, or whatever you want to call it, I believe it keeps us on the right path. And I believe I was supposed to choose Gabby. I wasn’t supposed to stay with you.Ethan is quiet. And then he looks up at me and says, OK. It wasn’t . . . I guess it wasn’t meant to be.